Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Indigo Dye Easter Eggs

You'll need:

Eggs (hardboiled)
One head of red cabbage


Roughly chop cabbage and add to pot of 12 cups of water. Bring to a boil. Reduce to medium heat and let simmer for 30 minutes or until cabbage loses color.  Remove from heat and let cool.  Strain out cabbage, add a splash of vinegar and drop in eggs. Let sit overnight for deep blue.

Have fun!

Monday, March 30, 2015

Self Care

image via Pinterest

You guys, I am going to take care of myself this week.  I have a few long overdue appointments already scheduled in the next few days, so I figured I'd just go ahead and declare it my week of self care.  AKA, it's time to get my crap together and do life again :)

Today I'm seeing an eye doctor and ordering new glasses--the ones I've been wearing are from sophomore year of college (I got newer ones a year and half ago but they were stolen along with my purse on our honeymoon--funny story) and pregnancy made me BLIND.  And I am SO excited about getting new glasses, because not only are they necessary, but they'll hopefully also be a new accessory that makes me feel a little better about myself.  I also have a hair appointment later this week and I am PUMPED, because I have five inches of gray roots.  Yikes. Stress is making me old.

Friends, it's time to take care of myself so I can take better care of my babe. I keep telling Daniel I have this constant bizarre feeling that I was in a coma or something and completely missed a season or two.  I find myself thinking New Years is coming up, and we're approaching summer. WHAT. I just haven't gotten out of the house, other than Edie's doctors appointments.  It's been a long five plus months!

Also, thank you so much to those of you who reached out and shared tips on what helps you relax! I'm trying to be more intentional with my me time, even if I only have five minutes. You guys are the best!

Saturday, March 28, 2015

Saturday Style: Primary Colors

You guys, Edie gained a fantastic amount of weight this week WITHOUT me having to pump and supplement! OH MY WORD. I may have shed a few tears of joy after weighing her this morning.

We celebrated this afternoon by getting out under the spring sun at one of our favorite local spots. I want all the plants, especially the mini succulents.  Too bad I have a terrible case of black thumb. :( Wah wah.

All the excitement wore this nugget out.

We're off to dye Easter eggs!

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

How Do You Relax?

It's no secret that having a baby is pretty much the coolest thing in the world.  It's also one of the most demanding. Add in the extra work that comes with having a high needs tiny one, and you have quite a recipe for stress and forgetting to take care of yourself (or in my case, not really knowing how at this point!).

So I thought I'd toss this question out there--how do you relax? Do you do anything daily? What tricks help you unwind and just breathe? I'd love your help!

We're expecting thunderstorms tonight, and I'm looking forward to falling asleep to rain hitting the roof. As long as baby girl cooperates, of course.

Friday, March 20, 2015


"There's this wild law of the universe: a mother's labor and delivery never ends, 
and you never stop having to remember to breathe."

-Ann Voskamp

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Eden Faye, Five Months

Hi friends! I'm five months old today! Here's what I'm up to lately:

-I weigh 11 pounds and am over 2 feet long!
-I wear 0-3 month clothes and size 1 diapers.
-I nurse a lot better/quicker about half the time. I'm still pretty fussy in the middle of the day.
-I talk talk talk all day long (and sometimes all night!).
-I learned a lot of new sounds this month. One of my favorites is kind of like a toot noise. I discovered I could do it when I sneezed one day and then repeated it over and over for ten minutes!
-I also love to whisper, especially when I'm excited.
-I love taking warm baths with mommy but don't really like showers anymore lately.
-I REALLY want to stand up and walk on my own.  I'm constantly putting weight on my feet and bouncing/taking steps with mommy's help.
-I love my exersaucer, but my feet don't touch the ground so mommy put a cardboard box under it for me. I talk to the butterfly toy on there for fifteen minutes at a time!
-I'm way too short for my jumparoo, but I think I'd like it because I love jumping!
-I roll both directions!
-I kick off and somersault out of the boppy pillow when mommy puts me on my tummy in it.
-I still love looking at myself in the mirror.
-I love discovering new textures. I scratch everything.
-I nurse every two hours during the day and every three at night.
-This month I decided I like getting in bed between 7:30 and 8 to sleep my first three hour stretch.
-I still sleep with mommy.
-I wake up for the day between 7 and 8.
-I nap three to four times a day, usually about 45 minutes at a time, sometimes longer.
-I'm really drooly!
-I'm trying really hard to sit up alone! I grab mommy's finger and pull myself up.
-I do better in the car about half the time.
-I love being outside!
-I love my puppy, Penny.  I grab her face and let her lick my hands.
-A couple of things that make me laugh are mommy smelling my feet and saying, "Peee U!" and tickling my nose with my stuffed moose.
-I love to grab mommy's face and just stare at her.
-I've started reaching for mommy and she loves it!

And a couple videos from this month:

Edie babe, you are hilarious.  We've laughed and cried together a lot this month. Your personality is so spunky and flirty and I love it so much! You are constantly picking up on new things and I am so proud of you. Everyone comments on how pretty your eyes are--you're already such a striking little lady, and your daddy is nervous! We love you so much.

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

On Edie Meeting Her Mommy's Mommy

Something strange happens when we grow up--we suddenly realize our parents are merely human, too.  We stop believing they are superhero life experts who know all of the answers. We see where they went wrong.  We see their bad habits.  For a while, their flaws may be all we see.  This phenomenon can be confusing.  It can also make us angry.

But, hopefully, it eventually leads us to a place where we stop and think, "They did the best they could at the time." And that should mean everything.

Several years ago my parents got divorced and my mom moved far away.  I was just entering young adulthood and we didn't talk much.  Looking back, I was pretty bitter about the whole thing and struggled with pride in having to teach myself how to become an adult woman who could go on to have a happy marriage.  I couldn't understand how she could go so long without seeing or speaking to me after I'd grown up running to her with every silly little thing--I considered her my best friend.

I made it about me.

And it wasn't.  It was about two adults trying to figure out what life looked like after marriage.  It was about pain and depression and loneliness, and not mine.  It was about trying to do the best they could under the circumstances.

I've only been a mother for five months, but I've already done so many things I said I'd never do.  Edie hasn't been a laid back baby and feeding her is a daily fight complete with screaming and tears. I've yelled at Daniel in front of her, more than once.  I've lost it and cried with her, a lot. I've felt completely at a loss as to how to take care of her in the midst of less than ideal circumstances.  I've felt insanely depressed and alone in trying to figure this out, and I've alienated people who would probably want to help if they could.

But I know I'm doing the best I can.

So when my mom came to meet Edie last weekend, I let go.  I let her see me cry and struggle.  I know she's been there (with me).  I know she knows what it is to fear making mistakes but moving forward, anyway.  And even though it was her first time meeting her first grandbaby, she let it be about me and my hurt.  She told me it was okay to feel this way.  And I felt a new kind of bond with her, now mother to mother.  

Thanks for coming, Mom.  

Monday, March 16, 2015

Old Photo, New Present

Now that we've given it to him, I thought I'd share part of my dad's birthday gift from my brother and me :)

Happy Monday!

Friday, March 13, 2015

A Letter to My Infant Daughter: When They Tell You You're Too...

Sweet Edie,

"She's SO tiny!"

"We need to fatten her up."

"She's too skinny."

I can't tell you how many times we've heard variations of these comments the past four-ish months. 

I also can't tell you how much they hurt me.  I know they don't come from hateful hearts, but they aren't what this proud new momma wants to hear. Because yes, you're itty bitty for your age--you've had a harder than average road.  But you know what else you are? So, so beautiful.  You're beautiful, baby.  And so happy. You're a squealing, babbling miracle. You're smart and you're strong and your personality isn't itty bitty at all. 

As a 25 year old woman who struggled through but survived the throes of female adolescence, I can tell you that, unfortunately, you'll never stop hearing comments beginning with, "You're too..." Sometimes they'll be audible (kids can be mean), and sometimes they'll be in your head (we can be even meaner to ourselves).  I hate thinking about your lost innocence the first time you compare yourself to someone else and decide you don't measure up.  Perhaps this season is just putting you a step ahead in preparing for what the world will tell you as soon as you're old enough to understand and believe lies.  Because that's what they are, honey girl.  You're not too anything.  That is a lie I pray you don't waste too much of your precious life believing.

You are everything, Edie, and just the right amount of it.

I love you, peanut.


Thursday, March 12, 2015

Happy 50th, Pops!

Yesterday this guy turned 50, and Edie babe seems pretty happy about it!

So thankful for this man and who he's been for me throughout my life and that he's already the best grandaddy to my little!

And sorry for my absence this week--I'm doing a little work on my sanity after the last almost five months of crazy stress. Back with a real update soon!

Friday, March 6, 2015

To Chop or Not to Chop

Isn't that always the question?

This hairstyle is EVERYWHERE, and for good reason--it's so cute! But because it's everywhere, I probably won't do it. I had this length hair three years ago and ached for it to grow out for our wedding. Then pregnancy happened, and now it's to my butt. I think I'm just restless after being cooped up feeding baby for almost five months and looking for a change, but I'd probably regret cutting off my long locks before I really have the chance to style them! However, now that Edie babe is grasping everything, every time she gets a big ol' handful and yanks, I'm definitely rethinking my decision.

Happy weekend!

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Snow Day

Snow Day
by Billy Collins

Today we woke up to a revolution of snow,   
its white flag waving over everything,
the landscape vanished,
not a single mouse to punctuate the blankness,   
and beyond these windows

the government buildings smothered,
schools and libraries buried, the post office lost   
under the noiseless drift,
the paths of trains softly blocked,
the world fallen under this falling.

In a while, I will put on some boots
and step out like someone walking in water,   
and the dog will porpoise through the drifts,   
and I will shake a laden branch
sending a cold shower down on us both.

But for now I am a willing prisoner in this house,   
a sympathizer with the anarchic cause of snow.   
I will make a pot of tea
and listen to the plastic radio on the counter,   
as glad as anyone to hear the news

that the Kiddie Corner School is closed,   
the Ding-Dong School, closed.
the All Aboard Children’s School, closed,   
the Hi-Ho Nursery School, closed,
along with—some will be delighted to hear—

the Toadstool School, the Little School,
Little Sparrows Nursery School,
Little Stars Pre-School, Peas-and-Carrots Day School   
the Tom Thumb Child Center, all closed,
and—clap your hands—the Peanuts Play School.

So this is where the children hide all day,
These are the nests where they letter and draw,   
where they put on their bright miniature jackets,   
all darting and climbing and sliding,
all but the few girls whispering by the fence.

And now I am listening hard
in the grandiose silence of the snow,
trying to hear what those three girls are plotting,   
what riot is afoot,
which small queen is about to be brought down.

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Coconut Hot Cocoa (Dairy & Sugar Free!)

We're anticipating another winter storm tomorrow, and I'm not-so-secretly hoping it means Daniel will have to work from home.  Either way, I know I'll be sipping on this:

You'll need:

one cup almond milk
one can coconut milk
2 TBS cocoa powder
2 TBS honey
1/2 tsp vanilla

To make:

Heat almond and coconut milk on the stove on medium in a small pot. 
Stir in cocoa, honey, and vanilla.  
Add more cocoa and honey to taste.
Pour in mugs and put your feet up :)

Stay warm tomorrow!

Monday, March 2, 2015

A Letter to My Daughter: On Fighting to Feed You

Sweet Eden,

It has been just over four months since you left your home in my belly. I am now far enough removed from your birth to miss it. We've been drowning in weight worries these last few months,  and lately I find myself yearning for that night--the euphoric exhaustion you brought me to before moving down to meet us, the feeling of your soggy body in my hands as you took your first breath,  the overwhelming instinct to bring you to my breast. A few hours later, in our bed at home, I fell asleep watching you nurse as the sun was rising, and I woke up a bit later still cradling you to my chest. I knew that was where you belonged.

Everything in me knows you're safest here, where you come for nourishment but also for love, security, and comfort. After you let out your first cry you began moving your beautiful, bloody head in search of your new place in the world, still of my body but on the outside now. I looked down at you and knew I'd move mountains if it meant continuing to provide that place, and although the beginning was a bit uglier than I hoped it would be, that is all I've been trying to do. I am so sorry it has been a little more work for us, but as I look down at you now, dozing drunkenly, your head against my heart, I know it was worth every second of the fight. 

I love you, teeny one.