Friday, September 4, 2015

Those Photos

As we approach Edie's first birthday (HOW did that happen?), I've been doing a little looking back at the past year. I've been planning on printing off her monthly photos for her party and this week I got around to going through the first ten months and OH. MAN. When I got to month four, I found THOSE PHOTOS. The ones I've avoided since Edie started gaining weight. The photos that make me gasp out loud and feel like throwing up. The photos that make me believe for a few moments that I am a terrible mother because I couldn't see then what I can see so clearly looking at them now--my baby was hungry. THOSE PHOTOS. 

After feeling all of these things, I found myself thinking, "Maybe I won't display these..."

But I know with all of my soul that I loved this little girl the best I could the day I took these photos. And I fought with my entire self to figure out what was wrong. She had her tongue tie revised within days of turning four months, and I've been doing all I can to move us forward ever since. But the photos still stop me in my tracks.

Mom guilt is real, friends. I'd love to say something poignant and inspiring, but that's all I've got. I can't say I'm proud to show these pictures off because "they were a part of our journey," because if I'm being honest, I still feel something much closer to shame than pride when I look at them. But I do know I can't let the guilt paralyze me from mothering her today. And today she looks like this:

Have a wonderful long weekend.

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