Saturday, October 17, 2015

A Letter to My Daughter: On the Eve of Your First Birthday

My baby,

Tonight I cried as I nursed you to sleep. You fought your heavy eyelids a bit longer than you usually do, and I welcomed the extra time. It was as if you know tomorrow you will wake up a toddler. Thank you for giving me so many sweet moments of your babyhood.

A year ago I was aching to hold you. I welcomed the pain of our labor because I knew it meant I would meet you soon. My body was opening up, making room for you to join us, making room for my heart to swell one hundred times its previous size. 

I sang "You Are My Sunshine" to you through my tears tonight.  Just moments before you gave into your exhaustion, you popped off my breast, sat up and grabbed my face between your hands. You looked me in the eye for a second, then leaned your forehead against my lips with your palms still pressed to both of my cheeks, like you were telling me it's your turn to comfort me after all we've been through this year.

Thank you, baby girl. For this moment, and for all of our moments. What a blessing it is to have such a sweet baby's first year to mourn and miss once it's passed. What a blessing it is to be your mother. 

I love you so. And I'm so proud of you.


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