Tonight I'm staying up a little later drinking raspberry leaf tea and listening to All Sons & Daughters pandora while waiting on my daughter's first load of clothes to finish drying. I know that can't sound terribly interesting to anyone else, but I was overcome with a wave of unfamiliar emotions as I cut tags off of each tiny dress, onesie, and pair of socks (will someone please tell me how I'm supposed to keep track of socks that are seriously hardly over an inch long?) and threw them in the washer. I have a daughter, and soon I will dress her each morning (and probably a few others times throughout the day due to messy poops and spit up, according to all the mommies I've talked to). I've felt so aware of this little girl's existence for the last eight months, but her presence is about to take on an entirely new, probably pretty loud and overwhelming shape.
My constant mindfulness of Eden's presence this year, although I can't even see her yet, has me feeling a little convicted lately. She is a part of me--she is INSIDE of me--it's pretty difficult to forget her and not feel moved by the miracle of her movement. The bigger she gets, the more I feel like I know her and ache to see her.
Do I feel this way about the Lord? He is MUCH GREATER than what this girl is to me--He is in me and moving in miraculous ways all the time. And He is the God of the universe! Am I consistently aware of His presence and do I ache to see His face? Not enough.
I am so thankful the Lord has called me to motherhood and hope to become more mindful of Him and His hand as I enter this new season. I know I'll be absolutely bursting with the love I'll feel for my daughter when she comes, but instead of allowing that to completely consume me, I pray it reminds me of the Lord's all-consuming love for his daughters--both of us--and that it brings me to my knees in praise and thankfulness that I get a glimpse at that love in my own little human way.
My heart says of You, "Seek his face!"
Your face Lord, I will seek.
-Psalm 27:8
Your face Lord, I will seek.
-Psalm 27:8
-J
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