I am EXTREMELY excited to bring you a new post in our 10 Things I've Learned series today, because Taylor's words get right to the heart of things. Even though I didn't know her that well at school, I creep her life on social media often because she and her husband are for real adventurers!
Hey there! My name is Taylor, and I went to college with
Jordan. I married my high school (and college!) sweetheart, Sam, in 2011.
After
graduating and traveling for a bit, we’re now privileged to work
together at a ministry called 3DM, nestled in a sweet little beach town in
South Carolina. I’m delighted to share with you some of what I’ve learned since
we tied the knot!
10 Things I've Learned Since I Got Married
1. Communicate,
communicate, communicate some more!
Talk about
everything; nothing is off limits. Sex, money, parents, your period, fears,
joys, annoyances. Let your husband know if he’s hurt your feelings, or if
you’re scared or angry or confused. Speak clearly and honestly.
Miscommunication so often sneaks into a marriage and causes unnecessary pain
and frustration. It doesn’t have to!
2. Commit
to being in love.
You don’t fall
into love and become forever engulfed by desire and passion; passion is fickle,
and it comes and goes as it pleases. When you feel bored, when excitement dies
down, when you don’t feel like having sex or even cuddling, commit to finding
ways to reconnect. Choose to stay in
love, even if you’re not feeling it at the moment.
3. “Comparison is the thief of joy.” - Theodore
Roosevelt
Comparison
latches onto most women, and it’s hard to ignore. The truth is, there have been
times where I actually believed I was less of a wife because I’m not the best
cook, my house is rarely completely clean, and I basically always forget to do
the laundry until I’m frantically searching the house for clean underwear. Lies
like this creep in and steal your joy when you compare yourself to other women.
There is always room for improvement (a friend of mine patiently gives me
cooking pointers, and I’m starting off slowly as my husband’s sous-chef), but
never feel the need to be someone you’re not.
4. Remind
each other of God’s goodness.
After Sam and I
graduated from college, we took a little adventure to Europe for five months.
We served in local ministries in exchange for food and accommodation, but by
the end of the trip we were running out of money. All along the way, we had
generously been given unexpected provision, but I still felt anxiety wash over
me when I would see the numbers decreasing rapidly on our bank statements.
Every time I would start to panic, Sam would remind me of God’s goodness during
our whole trip. Sometimes you (or he) will need a little encouragement and
reminding of God’s love and faithfulness.
5. Spend
money.
Spending money on gifts for your spouse and
yourself is important. Now, this is dangerous territory, so I want to make
myself extremely clear: spend money on
things you can afford. Saving is crucial. Budgeting is a necessary and
smart thing to do (you’re an adult, for goodness sake). As you save and budget,
don’t deprive yourself of exciting adventures, a sweet date night, or
surprising him with tickets to see his favorite basketball team (Thunder Up!).
Enjoy your life and have fun!
8. Respect
how your spouse rests.
Sam can be at a
large dinner party and talk to dozens of people into the night, and he’ll feel
refreshed and energized at the end! He likes to go outside and run, play
sports, and build things. I, on the other hand, love to spend a whole day
writing music, doing my nails, reading books, and watching TV (Sam likes to
call some of this “unproductive.” ;) But he loves me for it!). Sometimes we
rest with other friends or on our own, and that’s OK. Resting is vital to your spiritual, physical, and
mental health, but it will not
necessarily look the same for both of you. Learn and respect how each other
rests.
7. Be a family on mission together.
I can’t take the
credit for this one - the people I work with and do life with at 3DM are the
ones who taught me this life lesson: be a family
on mission. Together. Pray about ways you and your spouse (and your
children, if you have them) can bless the people you’re in contact with every
day. Offer to host a movie night for the kids in your neighborhood. If you live
near a college, invite some students over to do laundry at your home. Get to
know the elderly woman down the street, and ask her to come with you and your
husband when you go to the grocery store. As a family, get to know those around
you. Invite them into your family, and share Jesus’ love as you do.
[If you’re interested, there’s a book coming out soon all about
being a Family on Mission! I love it!]
8. Be in community.
Yes, there are
some things that you should keep private. Some things need to be special, just
for you and your spouse. But it’s still important to invite your community into
your marriage and surround yourself with other people who love you and want
what Jesus wants for your life. You’ll learn from them and they’ll learn from
you, and when things get tough you’ll need people who are willing to honestly
speak words of wisdom into your marriage. And when times are great, they’ll
celebrate with you!
9. Marriage
takes sacrifice.
Sometimes we
gladly sacrifice, but honestly, sometimes sacrifice hurts. Pray for God to give
you a word to stand on, a word you can cling to in trying times. He is
faithful.
10. Cheesiness is happiness.
Sometimes you’ll
be halfway to your destination and realize you’re wearing the same outfit.
Embrace it! Turn off Netflix and dance around your living room, tell corny
jokes, make up rap songs together. Be silly! Just have fun and let the inside
jokes and memories be created. :)
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Thank you SO much, Taylor, for being so transparent and letting us get to know you and your man! Your insight left me feeling both convicted and excited to be a better wife. You're the sweetest!
-J
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